Today, the goal is to write a story in 200 words or less, not including the title. It must begin with "Shadows crept across the wall".
Optional challenge points include:
- end with the words "everything faded"
- use the word "orange" (check!)
- write in the same genre you normally write (check!)
- hit 200 words exactly! (check!)
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Shadows crept across the wall of his sanctuary. No one was supposed to be here but him, it was his hiding place, his. It was where he could escape the screaming and yelling, the insults and pain. No one else was supposed to be here.
And yet the shadows still crept across the wall. They wiggled, moved, so that every time he retreated to this safe place in his mind, more of the sunset orange walls were swallowed by the inky shadows.
The fact that they moved kept Allen away from them, but playing in the opposite corner, he could still hear them. They hissed like snakes, grunted like wild boars, and crackled like fire. They scared him. But they didn't harm him, unlike those he lived with.
Devil-child, his mother called him. His father never said anything against it, just hit him. And as the shadows crept closer to him day by day, as they moved like flames and began to give off heat, Allen wonders if she is right.
Tentatively, he reached to touch a shadow, they are so close now he didn't have to leave his corner. The room disappeared, swallowed by shadows, and so was Allen.
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Now, I really should go study for my Calc test that's in a hour, but I'll read other entries soon. Promise!
Oooh! Creepy! I really liked your descriptive language here: the sunset orange walls were swallowed by the inky shadows. Nice job!! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm #37
Amazing that you wrote this with the stress of a Calc test on your shoulders. Nice one! :)
ReplyDeleteSpooooky... ;) Nice work, Gwen! :D And new follower here... I'll look forward to your posts! :D
ReplyDeleteVery creepy. Good job.
ReplyDeleteOoh very scary!! great job!! Following along :)
ReplyDeleteI'm entry #19
the last suggested line could have worked for the devil child
ReplyDeleteI'm #103
Oooo - dark and sinister, loved it :)
ReplyDeleteHi Gwen! I'm Gwen, too:) Loved your story. There seemed to be an element of mental illness there - until the end! Well done - I'm a new follower and fellow campaigner. I'm #52 on the linky list - when you're done with your calc test.
ReplyDeleteIntriguing! You got me!
ReplyDeleteCreepy! Good job.
ReplyDeleteSpooky! I love the insinuation he is a devil child, and he sees shadows and hears fire crackling.
ReplyDeleteOoh interesting, I'd love to know if he is really a devil child or if he just has terrible parents! Great entry! GOod luck on your calc test!
ReplyDeleteYup, he really is one, but he doesn't know what it means except that it makes his parents hate him.
DeleteOh gosh. This is creepy. I like that it is left ambiguous. Great job!
ReplyDeleteOn first reading I didn't digest the fact that the safe place was in his mind. Noting that on the second reading made it doubly... yes, for want of a better word, creepy!
ReplyDelete" The room disappeared, swallowed by shadows, and so was Allen." Yowza!
ReplyDeleteLaurie Buchanan, entry #92
Very creepy (as many have said!) and claustrophobic. I really felt sorry for him. Well done!
ReplyDeleteQuite the twist at the end. Really leaves one to wonder. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI'd never survive Calc. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI hope you did as well on calc as you did on this story!! Great job! :)
I got the shivers from this one. Well done.
ReplyDeleteWoah... I'm not even sure that creepy covers it. Wow.
ReplyDeleteReally liked his character and I am rooting for him. Nice job! I'm #61.
ReplyDeletePoor Allen! Which is the lesser of two evils...the shadows or his family? I'd go with the shadows...I think. Great job.
ReplyDeleteI'd agree, as in my mind when Allen get gobbled up he doesn't have to deal with anything anymore. His family however, is in for some rough times.
DeleteDarkly creepy!
ReplyDeleteHmm, he may like the shadow more than his family, poor kid.
ReplyDeleteSad when the kid would rather be with the freaky shadows that his parents.
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
Oh, how sad. Nice job Gwen :-)
ReplyDeleteYou established a really nice voice in just a few paragraphs!
ReplyDeleteThis is eerie... your character is really drawn to the shadows and I suspectthere's nothing he can do about it... it's beyond his control
ReplyDeleteYes, definitely creepy - but in a good way! Nice job!
ReplyDeleteOoh, mysterious! Funny, we all seem to be writing stories where the characters can't escape!
ReplyDeleteI felt connected to this character, wanted to know more but afraid to. That's a lot to accomplish in 200 words. Congrats!
ReplyDeletePoor Allen! I really felt for him. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteHow hard would life be for Allen. Good work :)
ReplyDeletePoor allen. Nice job. Mine is #71
ReplyDeleteLove the imagery! So beautiful and sad.
ReplyDeleteNice job! I had a Stat exam the day I posted mine. It was a great distraction :D Thanks for visiting my blog!!
ReplyDeleteSamantha
Very moving and visual piece. Excellent, clear writing. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteWow. This was moving and mysterious at the same time. Nicely written!
ReplyDeleteI'm a new follower, glad to have found your blog. :)
Bravo! Very nice job. It got my attention
ReplyDeleteGreat flash piece! The poor kid.
ReplyDeleteI hope there's more!!
ReplyDeleteMoving piece! Well done.
ReplyDeleteI especially liked the way you described the shadows and their antics. Nice twist on the challenge.
ReplyDeleteIt's almost as if he's mentally imploding to escape his own demons. Nicely done! :-)
ReplyDeleteHow very sad! I feel sorry for him! Well done!
ReplyDelete