Feb 21, 2012

Tainted Sanctuary - Flash Fiction

Ooo, my first ever Campaigner Challenge. What fun! I do like writing challenges.

Today, the goal is to write a story in 200 words or less, not including the title. It must begin with "Shadows crept across the wall".

Optional challenge points include:
  • end with the words "everything faded"
  • use the word "orange" (check!)
  • write in the same genre you normally write (check!)
  • hit 200 words exactly! (check!)
Hoho, guys. My mind comes up with crazy things, I'm sure a couple of you will label this as 'creepy' again.

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Shadows crept across the wall of his sanctuary. No one was supposed to be here but him, it was his hiding place, his. It was where he could escape the screaming and yelling, the insults and pain. No one else was supposed to be here.

And yet the shadows still crept across the wall. They wiggled, moved, so that every time he retreated to this safe place in his mind, more of the sunset orange walls were swallowed by the inky shadows.

The fact that they moved kept Allen away from them, but playing in the opposite corner, he could still hear them. They hissed like snakes, grunted like wild boars, and crackled like fire. They scared him. But they didn't harm him, unlike those he lived with.

Devil-child, his mother called him. His father never said anything against it, just hit him. And as the shadows crept closer to him day by day, as they moved like flames and began to give off heat, Allen wonders if she is right.

Tentatively, he reached to touch a shadow, they are so close now he didn't have to leave his corner. The room disappeared, swallowed by shadows, and so was Allen.

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Now, I really should go study for my Calc test that's in a hour, but I'll read other entries soon. Promise!

47 comments:

  1. Oooh! Creepy! I really liked your descriptive language here: the sunset orange walls were swallowed by the inky shadows. Nice job!! :)

    I'm #37

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  2. Amazing that you wrote this with the stress of a Calc test on your shoulders. Nice one! :)

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  3. Spooooky... ;) Nice work, Gwen! :D And new follower here... I'll look forward to your posts! :D

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  4. Ooh very scary!! great job!! Following along :)

    I'm entry #19

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  5. the last suggested line could have worked for the devil child
    I'm #103

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  6. Oooo - dark and sinister, loved it :)

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  7. Hi Gwen! I'm Gwen, too:) Loved your story. There seemed to be an element of mental illness there - until the end! Well done - I'm a new follower and fellow campaigner. I'm #52 on the linky list - when you're done with your calc test.

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  8. Spooky! I love the insinuation he is a devil child, and he sees shadows and hears fire crackling.

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  9. Ooh interesting, I'd love to know if he is really a devil child or if he just has terrible parents! Great entry! GOod luck on your calc test!

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    1. Yup, he really is one, but he doesn't know what it means except that it makes his parents hate him.

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  10. Oh gosh. This is creepy. I like that it is left ambiguous. Great job!

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  11. On first reading I didn't digest the fact that the safe place was in his mind. Noting that on the second reading made it doubly... yes, for want of a better word, creepy!

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  12. " The room disappeared, swallowed by shadows, and so was Allen." Yowza!

    Laurie Buchanan, entry #92

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  13. Very creepy (as many have said!) and claustrophobic. I really felt sorry for him. Well done!

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  14. Quite the twist at the end. Really leaves one to wonder. Great job!

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  15. I'd never survive Calc. Ugh.
    I hope you did as well on calc as you did on this story!! Great job! :)

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  16. I got the shivers from this one. Well done.

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  17. Woah... I'm not even sure that creepy covers it. Wow.

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  18. Really liked his character and I am rooting for him. Nice job! I'm #61.

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  19. Poor Allen! Which is the lesser of two evils...the shadows or his family? I'd go with the shadows...I think. Great job.

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    1. I'd agree, as in my mind when Allen get gobbled up he doesn't have to deal with anything anymore. His family however, is in for some rough times.

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  20. Hmm, he may like the shadow more than his family, poor kid.

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  21. Sad when the kid would rather be with the freaky shadows that his parents.

    Great job!

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  22. You established a really nice voice in just a few paragraphs!

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  23. This is eerie... your character is really drawn to the shadows and I suspectthere's nothing he can do about it... it's beyond his control

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  24. Yes, definitely creepy - but in a good way! Nice job!

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  25. Ooh, mysterious! Funny, we all seem to be writing stories where the characters can't escape!

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  26. I felt connected to this character, wanted to know more but afraid to. That's a lot to accomplish in 200 words. Congrats!

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  27. Poor Allen! I really felt for him. Nice job.

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  28. How hard would life be for Allen. Good work :)

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  29. Poor allen. Nice job. Mine is #71

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  30. Love the imagery! So beautiful and sad.

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  31. Nice job! I had a Stat exam the day I posted mine. It was a great distraction :D Thanks for visiting my blog!!

    Samantha

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  32. Very moving and visual piece. Excellent, clear writing. Thank you!

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  33. Wow. This was moving and mysterious at the same time. Nicely written!

    I'm a new follower, glad to have found your blog. :)

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  34. Bravo! Very nice job. It got my attention

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  35. Great flash piece! The poor kid.

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  36. I especially liked the way you described the shadows and their antics. Nice twist on the challenge.

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  37. It's almost as if he's mentally imploding to escape his own demons. Nicely done! :-)

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  38. How very sad! I feel sorry for him! Well done!

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