Feb 8, 2012

Lina rushes into a bakery, barely avoiding the door

Time for the second day of the I'm Hearing Voices Blogfest! Today, a brief introduction of characters, told (ideally) only in dialog. I...might have gotten carried away. Most things I write tend to become longer than I expect.

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Lina pressed her arms on the counter of the bakery and breathed in the scents with her eyes closed. There was bread, and pie, something chocolaty, and something with lemons. "And who are you, fille, to come staggering into my shop?" The voice reminded Lina of the tiny bells in the church in Barcelona.

"A spoiled brat," a gravelly voice snarled, Von. His voice always reminded her of the sound of pebbles landing on the cobblestone streets. "She charges into every bakery she can smell, and then makes this pout and the only thing I can do is offer up money for her snack."

"It's because you have no willpower." Lina opened her eyes and turned to face him.

"It's because you're a Spanish devil."

"And you're a Swedish angel?"

"Of course flicka, didn't I ever tell you about how I saved a man from drowning?"

"Really? I thought you actually-" there was a hand over her mouth. She ran her tongue over the fingers, and the calluses told her it belonged to Von. He had long since gotten used to her tongue treatment, and didn't remove his hand.

The baker laughed, and Lina turned her head to catch the sound better. "What would you like?"

Von lowered his hand, allowing Lina to speak. "What's the one that smells like lemon?"

"Is it too low on the shelf - oh." Ah, she had noticed Lina was blind. Took her long enough. Well, she did come in with her eye's closed. "It's a danish."

"I'll take that one."

"And you, sir?"

"We have to to work tonight, so he wants a meat pie?"

There must have been a visual communication between the two adults, for Lina didn't hear anything about Von getting one or not, but she heard two things being placed on the counter.

"Work?"

"I...work with lanterns." Von offered. It was close enough, Lina assumed. "We just came from Colmar."

The silence that followed was very heavy, and Lina could hear the woman hastily step back. "We just got word that the town was all taken by the Plague. No survivors."

"Yes, we walked around it, of course."

"Through it," Lina whispered to herself, and was going to follow with 'killed it' but Von's hand over her lips again stopped her.

"Of course," but the bell voiced woman was still wary of them. Von quickly paid and they left, his hand on Lina's right shoulder to steer her.

"Just because you don't mind out job, doesn't mean others won't." He hissed in her ear as they walked along. Lina pouted, more from a lack of danish than his comment. But he'd give it to her eventually, he always did.

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Gah, really had to reevaluate her character and story while I was doing this. I originally had souls as lightbulbs, but I'm pretty sure those didn't exist during the Dark Ages. Also, really need to start listening so I can incorporate hearing more. The first draft of this mentioned Lina looking at something, and then I remembered she's blind.... XD

Also, I kinda like this idea of having a blog topics picked for me, so I signed up for the next Writer's Platform Campaign. Plus, I've been thinking of blog post and writing them for the A-Z challenge in April and needed to write you guys something during March.

26 comments:

  1. Don't you love these exercises. They help find the things that need fixin'. This was great btw!

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    1. I do love exercises. Even just a little hint of a prompt can get me going and then they just grow and grow. I love it when stories do that.

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  2. This was great and I totally remembered she was blind from Monday's post, so this made it even more awesome!

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    1. Glad you remembered! Cuz I totally forgot at first XD

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  3. so strange and secretive. their own private joke, but deadly!
    great slice!

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    1. Oh yes, these are very deadly people. But only when they're asleep. They're weird like that :/ Glad you liked them!

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  4. Hey Gwen! Thanks for joining the A to Z Challenge. I'm one of the co-hosts, so let me know if you have any questions.

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    1. Will do! Thanks for helping putting it all together.

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  5. Just stopping by to say hi! I'm in short stories, Sci-fi, fantasy and YA of Rachael Harrie's Writers' Campaign. I've been a part of Rachael's campaign for a while now. It's amazing how we can network like this and meet some many awesome people.

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    1. Thanks for dropping by! I'm just in the short stories group, as I tend to flit between genres. And yeah, the Campaign is an amazing thing.

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  6. Gwen--I'm glad you got carried away. This was really fun to read. What distinctive characters!

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    1. Few, I'm glad someone didn't mind I went over the word limit. I'm super glad you enjoyed it ^_^

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  7. I'm with, Angie. I was intrigued the whole way through!

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  8. I liked it! I don't think you need to apologize for anything! I'm really interested now :)

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  9. I totally agree. No worries on the word count. Very, very good ;)

    *New Follower!* So nice to *meet* you!

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    1. Thanks for following! And I'm glad you didn't mind the extra wordage.

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  10. I really like the voices you've shown here! Great piece!

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    1. Thanks. Still a bit unsure about whether Lina will be that snarky all the time, but she's a handful.

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  11. Great job! I really loved the characters and you've got me interested in the story now! Great job :)

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    1. So glad this is interesting! I'd hate to write something boring.

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    1. Creepy? ;_; I don't mean it to be so. But maybe I'm just strangely comfortable with the idea of a 12 year old stealing my soul. Wonder what that says about me.

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  13. That was really interesting, and creepy. I loved it.

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    1. You too?! Well, at least you don't mind creepiness.

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